No, I am NOT pregnant. But at the time of this post, my son Mikhael and his wife Kendra are! They still are, I should say, but won’t be for much longer as she is in labor at the hospital.
This is so exciting on so many levels. One because, yes, I get to become a grandmother. I have the gray hair (which is recolored of course) and some wrinkles, BUT I am a little bit leery of the “grandmother” term.
In case you don’t know, Mikhael just turned 29. I was 18 when I had him, just 2 days after graduating high school, and he was adopted by the most wonderful woman and her husband. Because she was so wonderful, I was privileged to be included in his life – even from a long distance – and now that he is an adult, he is including me in his life too.
I say that and inside I’m shaking my head in wonder. When I signed the adoption papers, I knew that I might never ever see my son again. I knew that it meant they could say that they wanted me to be part of his life, but could easily change their mind at some point and I might never see any of them again. I knew that my signature on the adoption paperwork ended my rights to the child I had carried in my body and labored to bring into the world.
Who is like God? (that’s what the name “Mikhael” means!) God is gracious and blessed ME with adoptive parents who loved me as much as they loved my child. I have a very special relationship with Mikhael’s mom. And I am as excited for her as I am for me to become a grandmother.
I was told by not-so-well meaning people that God would never use me and I had ruined my life when they found out I was pregnant as a Senior in high school. I was told that no loving mother would ever give her child away to strangers. I was told it would be better for me to forget having him and to never tell anyone about him and that no man would want to marry me and raise another man’s child.
There’s a lot of shame built into those words. Directed to a young woman whose heart was already breaking for her son.
And while I learned to let go of a lot of that shame through counseling and the immeasurable grace of God, traces of shame lingered. It has affected me deeply – not the pregnancy during high school, not the labor & delivery, not choosing adoption for my son. But the words that shot deep into my heart and broke some of my spirit.
Last summer when Mikhael & Kendra came to visit – it was the first time in 28 years I felt WHOLE again. Entirely whole. Seeing him with Greg and our 3 kids – it blessed my SOUL to the deepest depths and the grace of God flooded through me.
And then a few months after their visit they called to share with us – as part of their family – that they were expecting!
I got the text this morning that the doctor broke Kendra’s water – and Mikhael & I and Kendra & I began furiously texting. Bless their hearts.
Their life is changing – they are becoming a family in the next few days and it is exciting to be able to share in their excitement and joy!
At the same time, it is a remarkable dream for me, too. And I am so thankful and excited that I will be a “Gigi”!
Talk about Grace and Glory!!!!!