It is not my intent to write – in detail – the nature of my husband’s struggles or the specific difficulties we have faced in our marriage. It is not my place to air out my personal grievances here – and this is not a place that will become a battleground or weapon of destruction.
Rather, my intent and my focus when writing about addiction, will be about MY journey and what many wives and spouses go through when addiction overtakes life.
I am by no means a victor over my battle with food. I struggle to eat food simply for fuel, and find more often than not, I’m stuffing my face with something and realize I’m Not Even Hungry…
That is not a free pass to rely on food for comfort or emotional satisfaction. I have to be conscious in all I do and in every step I take, and when I am not, I so easily fall into living a fake life.
THAT is the nature of addiction.
It is a facade, a mirage, a promise that will never be fulfilled.
And my struggles with my own addiction are often as painful as facing the difficulties that arise from my husband’s addiction.
This will not be a gossip column. This will not be a place to air out my complaints. I will refrain – as much as humanly possible – from belittling or deconstructing my husband here.
But I will talk about the pain. And I will talk about the struggle to breathe. And I will talk about the burden of struggling with my own addiction, as well as the addictions of my closest companion in life.
It won’t overtake this blog.
But it is something I will write about in the future.